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Borderline, whats that?

I fought this curse for 7 years and now finally the hand is loosening its grip. Time can change many things and heal many wounds, but some still need more time. Friends and family, a social background can hold the fall, a deep talk is better than any pain, standing up with ur head high, even when ur crying, is better than hiding in an dark corner. This curse can be defeated and transformed. One small step after the other torwards the future. Sometimes its good to take a step back and change the perspective to get a clearer picture.

U dont really know me,
I have many faces,
many masks,
I used to hide behind,

like a mirror,
a mirror for ur needs,
I see what u need,
and give it to u,

I hate beeing alone,
alone with only me,
the fading ? in the mirror,
the me I have to define,

I like to have u close,
but not too close,
I dont wanna get hurt,
I dont wanna hurt u,

I love and hate,
in equal parts,
I put u on a podest,
and loose myself,

If I like u,
I controll the distance,
I am afraid,
of pain and loneliness,

sometimes Im a raging fire,
I burn and dance,
loose myself,
struggle to control myself.

“A tornado of destruction,
only really concerned about sustaining itself,
because what comes afterwards,
is the vulnerbility ur so desperatly running away from.”

I dont wann hurt u,
I dont wanna hurt me,
it will happen nonetheless,
thats live in an nutshell for ya,

I drown in my feelings,
so intense and strong,
empty and nothingness,
the void,

I fly up in the sky,
one second later,
Im drowning,
in a pool of blood,

black and white,
spinning between the poles,
trapped in extremes,
I cry out for help,

I fight over controll,
with this demon,
struggle with myself,
day in day out,

my mind,
can be a battleground,
my body,
is littered with scars,

I struggle with my identity,
the pain of long gone days,
yesterdays traumata and scars,
and a never ending hunger…

But I know better,
than to feed that devil,
I know how to survive,
to stand up and fight,

the one who can suffer immensly,
can also feel the other side,
stronger and more beautiful,
live with all its shadows,

Live in all its glory!

To transform this curse,
this devil,
to something good,
is the purpose of this all,

I will accept this part of myself,
look up in the mirror,
proud to be myself,
proud to be whole!

I was branded with this curse,
a curse that is not mine,
a curse I didnt choose,
a curse I have to live with!

Dont be afraid, we can all do this, conquer that mountain, the battlefields in our minds, we will survive and move on, we will find ourselfs, love ourselfs and carve a future!

A work for a lifetime,
dont be afraid,
as long as I walk,
step after step,

torwards the right direction,
“What is the right direction?”,
not torwards the abyss,
is a good start!

“A future is not given to u, it is something u must take for urself!”

Never forget, ur not allone out there. Break the walls and dont hide behind a mask of nothingness.